fucked up feelings

right now im on ma bed in this lil hotel in singapore..im feelin so fucked up right now when i got her on ma mind..ive been thinking why do i always turn back to my old ways?..wer i was there lovin this one person whole heartedly and yet she broke my heart..and i gotta make a confession here i did cheat on her!and im not gonne prove ma self it wasn't soo much for a cheating...wrong is WRONG!...so i sat back thinking bout this heartless,ugly piece of crap,big arms ,fat thighs wannabe cool idiot girl..that i used to like about 2 years ago...yet all i was looking for was for a lil piece of mind to support my heartache..i said that afta this disaster theres no way im loving a woman again..i threw back my revenge on them..the more i took the more i got hurt..and i always believe that one day ill get a piece of harmony for the crap ive been trough..theres moments wer i would be in a big crowd of my friends and felt like the loneliest person on this planet..well still i passed trough the hardship..now my life is cool again..i get wat i want..but i dont really get wat ive been yearning for..owh ya i saw her on new year..and i had nothing but LOVE when i looked into the eye of ma enemy..yeah!she is my enemy..and i still visit her blog once in a while reading all the memories and lying to maself that im not sad...and im a MAN!!and i wont feel much of the sadness..and i tell u what..be true to urself cuz no one else will be..guess wat!?ive got male friends asking me how am i good in getting girls and asks for my advice...i do give em the tips..and at the end of the conversation i say that ''you..a man,should neva ever give all uve got''..thats when shit turns to u..cuz ive been here going trough my days all alone thinking what a world for me to live in...but somehow ive made..YEAH!im proud of myself..but when its all said and done..ive got a question to god..DO LOVE REALLY EXIST?!!!!!!...owh ya and she used to say aww ''its not about the years its about the feeling we have now''..let me tell yall sumthing...how foolish can u be to trade all of the good memories to the few bad things that have happened to u in ur life....why do i want to be a fake as motherfucker tell her im done when im not?...cuz i gotta show the world im man enough to say that?!!...hahaha...and she won the game cuz she got me trough pain till now..i will bet on this that..evry single time she falls..its me that she'll think of..cuz i was pure..nt from the start but at aleast from the half of the first chapter....i dont want it to sound logical btw...and another dumb thing i did was to make her hate me more by telling her how i was cheating on her with other girls when i was with her...TO MAKE HER feel good that she took the right path outta my life..hero it seems!!!...and yeah let me tell u the truth.. she's the prettiest woman ive ever seen in my entire life..none of them even got close to her by few thousand kilometres...and she got the eyes and the smile of the angel that u can neva imagine...i dont care if shes there for me as long as im there for her..i guess my emoness stops here..i gtg sleep..good nite people,and thx for sparing a lil time for u to read my UGLY LOVE story book..